Breaks connections: Focuses on the child behaving rightly or wrongly regardless of child’s motives or underlying needs.  It separates the child from the parents for incorrect behavior.


Builds connections: Builds attachment and promotes cooperation. It builds a child’s confidence that they have parents who are able to help them regulate and navigate difficulties when they cannot do it on their own.
Can be temporary: Some forms of traditional parenting may lead to temporary compliance but it does not encourage true learning. There is no long-lasting development or understanding of what is right and wrong.


Has long term impact: It meets goals in the short term of ending negative behavior as well as long term goals of building life skills that lead to independence.
Reinforces the child’s negative view of self:  Children with difficult histories see themselves as bad and undeserving of love; they believe they should be punished. If you truly believe you are bad and deserve to be punished then you will act badly because you believe that is who you are.


Creates positive view of self: Correction within relationship helps the child to understand they are heard, understood and valued, which creates a positive belief system.
Replicates unhealthy relationship patterns: When punishment like spanking is used, children who have experienced abuse cannot distinguish the difference between you trying to correct their behavior and the abuse they have received. They will likely be triggered by physical punishment, creating fear rather than connection.


Models and builds healthy relationship patterns: Teaches a child how to repair mistakes within relationships. Teaches a child self-regulation and how to navigate relationship skills like sharing, compromise, and being attuned to others.
Maintains emotional distance: Reinforces their defenses against getting close and maintains a “me against you” mentality.  Children learn to put up an emotional barrier to protect themselves from future harm.


 Creates a healthy emotional attachment: Builds attachment and promotes cooperation. The child gains an understanding that he is not alone but part of a family.